And I Am Doing This For You

First and Foremost, I have never really had a blog. I mean, unless if you count Tumblr. But this is a blog where I want to do all of my writing. I want to document the opportunities, the experiences, the conversations I have because some of them I can’t put on video– but I always want to have record of them.

This blog isn’t for me. I’ll make that clear now. However, I have just said that I want to be able to document these things so there’s a record of them…but I want there to be record for those who look like me and are thinking about pursuing the path I am. Currently, I am focused on Higher Education and Student Affairs. I want students who look like me flourish, radiate confidence, and be recognized as the strong leaders they are capable of being. Those who are doubted, questioned by those around them, and denied opportunities because of their skin color. I want to let those students know, I feel for you, I am living like you, and I am doing this for you.

This began with a conversation with the Director of Residence Life, Glenn. Although he may have no idea I am writing this or beginning this because of the talk we had, the importance of intersectionality was vibrant in our conversation. He, a generation one student and me, a Black, generation one, woman. Although we both carry varying identities, we could collab on one thing: being a generation one student is hard. But we’re capable.

Imposter syndrome is defined as “a psychological pattern in which people doubt their accomplishments and have a persistent, often internalized fear of being exposed as a ‘fraud.'” Let me tell you, I have woken up and sat in classes feeling like that for the past four years. On some days, of course I knew I was where I was supposed to be. Speaking about injustices in the classroom, learning about our immoral justice system, comprehending that everyone comes from different walks of life and brings a different perspective to every table I have ever sat at– but the days where it got extremely hard, where I felt the doubt circulating around me I needed an out. So I found creating.

Although this may feel like a shameless plug, I started my own YouTube channel in hopes to reach young, Black, and growing intellects around the United States. Although it focuses on social issues unravelling in our society, there’s an aspect of it that is focused on pure life. Vlogs showing my happiest of moments and perhaps it’s possible that I will have not-so happy moments. But that’s the beauty of it because something that has been robbed of Black Women in the world we live in, is their ability to express their emotions without being harshly judged. Why is it every time I am upset, I am the “angry Black woman”? And even if I am an angry Black woman, who are you tell me I do not have the right to be?

Ultimately, I am excited, I am scared, anxious, worried, but fascinated with the idea that life is going to take me in some direction that it believes I am prepared for. I am going to challenge myself and I am going to do something absolutely revolutionary. Something that our society has been fighting for Black women not to do: I am going to believe in myself.

 

And I’m doing this for you.

Advertisements